SecretAgentMan's Dossier

The Definition of Insanity Is Doing the Same Thing . . . . ..

There's a rumor going around that the success of a two-party system depends on having two parties. Somebody ought to clue the Democrats into that one, because they've defaulted to Howard Dean for party chairman. The following's from ABC News via The Curt Jester. My thoughts in blue, everyone else's in black.

A bunch of very stupid Democrats elected Howard Dean chairman of their national party on Saturday, casting their lot with a skilled fund-raiser and organizer whose sometimes caustic, blunt YEEEEAAAAARRGGHHHHHH!!!!! comments can lead to controversy.

The very dumb 447-member Democratic National Committee chose Dean on a voice vote YEEEEEEEAAAAAAARRRGGGHHHH!!!!! to replace outgoing party chief Terry McAuliffe. The former Vermont governor and presidential candidate And abortion doctor. And Planned Parenthood director had promised to press for broader access to abortion and gay marriage rebuild the state parties, press for broader access to abortion and gay marriage take the offensive against Republicans, press for broader access to abortion and gay marriage and better explain party positions on issues like broader access to abortion and gay marriage.

Democrats are eager to renew their campaign to press for broader access to abortion and gay marriage regain political power, though some admit to a bit of anxiety about pressing for broader access to abortion and gay marriage. President Bush just won his second term. Republicans are firmly in control of the House and the Senate. And the GOP is gaining strength in conservative states in the South and West.

"We only have one way to go, and that's up," Georgia delegate Lonnie Platt said.Yeah, they say that in the ninth pit of Hell, too, you pro-abortion fascist.

For Joyce Cusack, a Florida delegate, it's time for Democrats to embrace their party's values like broader access to abortion and gay marriage

"We are trying so hard to be like Republicans and we're not. I think Howard Dean says YEEEEAAARRGGGHHHHH!!!! clearly that we are different," Cusack said. "We are the party of broader access to abortion and gay marriage ordinary citizens and not the elite, we are everyday working folk who want broader access to abortion and gay marriage "

Very dumb Democratic leaders, who were initially wary of a Dean chairmanship, started embracing his leadership after it became apparent he was strong enough to claim the job. Several high-profile Democrats considering a bid for chairman backed out of the race. Yeah, they accepted his candidacy once it became clear that no one else was dumb enough to take responsibility for elections that are starting to look like the drag-race in Rebel Without a Cause. "It was awful," sobbed Nancy Pelosi, "watching poor Terry trying to get his bomber jacket unstuck from the window-lever."

House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi, not always a Dean supporter, said Friday, "He has used the power of technology, the force of his personality and the depth of his ideals to bring new people into the party." We can rebuild the Party Chairman. We have the technology. We have the capability to make the world's first Bionic Pro-Abortion-and-Gay Marriage-Party Chairman. Howard Dean will be that man. Better than he was before. Better . . . stronger . . . faster. YEEEARRRGHHHH!

Dean speaking very slowly and using emphatic hand gestures told Democratic committee members Friday that it's important to learn to be more comfortable discussing the party's core values like broader access to abortion and gay marriage.

"The way I hope to deal with that problem, is not to abandon our core principles, but talk about them in a different way, so that nobody realizes what they are" he said.

Democrats are not pro-abortion, but "we are the party in favor of allowing women to make up their own minds about their health care," Dean, an abortion physician, said.Yeah, Dean's gonna electrify the Party. The Democrats are going to empower womyn by "allowing" them to make up their own minds. OK, Howard, while you're taking a break from alienating your core base, let's try this. You say "Freedom," and I'll say "to kill a baby." Ready? Good! No, no, you're doing fine. See how it sounds? Fun, huh? Now, let's go fit you for that Honorary Democratic Party Chairman Bomber Jacket. Now Howard, don't get upset. It's a tradition, like the green blazer at Augusta.

Democrats are not for gay marriage, but "we are the party that has always believed in equal rights under the law for all people," he said. Oh yeah, Dean's gotta gift. The Democrats are for equal rights for all people, no matter how disgusting the gay ones are. OK, Howard, after you've evaded the lynch mob who used to be your core base, let's try this. You say "Equal rights" and I say "so Heather can have two mommies." Ready? Good! No, no, you're doing fine. See how it sounds? Fun, huh. Now, let's pick up that Honorary Democratic Party Chairman Stolen Coupe. No, it's a tradition too, like the Indy pace car!

"We are the party of moral values," Dean said. "There is nothing moral about cutting 300 million dollars that is used to feed starving children." Atta boy, Howard! Keep revving those non-sequiturs right up until Nancy Pelosi drops the hankie! YEEEAAAARRRGHHHHHHH!