Monday, April 12, 2004

More Stream of Consciousness

This from a story linked by The Curt Jester. Changes from the published version have been indicated by blue text.

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BABYLON, Ind. MARION, Ind. -- Some have questioned whether a religious verse painted on the city's new fire truck is proper. Why do the heathen rage, and the people imagine a vain thing? The kings of the earth set themselves, and the rulers take counsel together, against the LORD, and against his anointed, saying, "Let us break their bands asunder, and cast away their cords from us."

Fire Chief Steve Gorrell said department members considering slogans to go on the new truck settled on part of the 23rd Psalm: "Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil." I wonder which second verse they had in mind? "For thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me." Or the mocking one, "For I am the biggest, baddest s*n of a b*tch in the valley."?

"The firefighters wanted to put something on there to show the public how they represent themselves," Gorrell told the Chronicle-Tribune for a story today. Then why aren't they putting something on there to show how they represent themselves, rather than something which suggests that they represent someone else?

The department chose the biblical passage over secular sayings such as, "While others are rushing out, we're rushing in," he said. Shades of the "SOB" interpretation of Psalm 23. This is what's called a "chilling effect," folks. Firemen can't say that their job is so dangerous and intense that only faith in the Lord can provide a sure help and foundation for their work. They have to dress it up in culturebabble and hope it will fly under the radar of the heathen.

City Councilwoman Ann Secttor whose radar can detect third-graders whispering prayers within a 500 mile radius said the passage did not belong on a public vehicle. She added, "And your little dog, too!" Requests for clarification of that remark were unanswered as of this writing.

"I don't think any part of religion should be mixed with politics," said Secttor, who is Jewish. "Politics is the only true religion," she added, noting that the policital process is the one which decides who is human and who isn't, what education is allowable and what isn't, and which regulates every action of our lives, however mundane -- like the paint-job on a firetruck in Marion, Indiana. "We must leave people the freest, broadest scope to practice religious liberty," Secttor said. "Suing people who want to quote the Bible as they go into a life-or-death situation guarantees that precious freedom." Secttor added that the alternative is a theocracy where a religious view of society dictates everything from who is human and who isn't, what education is allowable and what isn't, and the regulation of every action of our lives, however mundane. Phone calls asking a follow up question about the consistency of these views were not returned as of this writing, although the office did receive a statement that any critical remarks would be proof of anti-Semitism.

Fran Quigley, executive director of the Indiana Civil Liberties Union for the Abolition of Man, said that posting a biblical verse on a public vehicle such as a fire truck could violate made-up, delusional theories about the constitutional separation of church and state entertained by ICLU members after their fifth toke, when they start imagining that they can channel James Madison. Quigley cited a bong-induced ruling by the federal appeals court in Chicago whose judges, after declaring themselves to be the reincarnation of Benjamin Franklin, Gouvenor Morris, and a 35,000-year-old Atlantean warrior-priestess named Kweeshalarok, held that a city seal could not have a cross on it because the image would associate government with a particular religion. "Municipalities are free to display the images of aborted babies and pornography on their city seals," Quigley said, "because those are neutral symbols which allow everyone to meet on common ground and celebrate our total enslavement to Satan.

Babbit Gantry Wayne Seybold, mayor of the city about 50 miles southwest of Fort Wayne, said Wednesday that he wasn't going to take the heat on this one, involving as it does a crossfire between the militant followers of Kweeshalarok and the militant Religious Right, and so boldly revealed that he had not seen the verse on the truck thereby releiving him of any responsibility to give an opinion about it. He said he would discuss the issue with the fire department and figure out how he can get his ass out of this one without losing a vote have the image removed if it would call on him to exert moral leadership caused a problem.

"We've got a diversified community here in Marion, and we need to make sure that we're mindful of that," he burbled, mindlessly parroting the junk mail his office gets from the Association of American Babbits said. "Our strength is founded on diversity, the children are our future, no one child should be left behind, high-wage jobs and infrastructure, character counts, EXCSELSIOR!!!!!" he screamed, before collapsing.

The ladder truck also bears images of Kandee Does Dallas U.S. flags and a patriotic fire helmet remembering the 2,000,000+ firefighters, public servants, ICLU lawyers, and Mayors killed by abortionists to date Sept. 11, 2001, terrorist attacks, and officials plan to add a drawing of the high school mascot, "Mr. Safe Sex," who is depicted as a smiling bananna holding an umbrella. "These symbols," said Mayor Babbit, represent the common ground that all Americans can have pride in." Fran Quigley agreed, "They can help unite our diverse views into a conflagration of unholy lust and exploitation in the pursuit of the freedom only Satan can offer." Secttor, who is Jewish, disagreed: "Satan is a religious concept, and I don't think it should be displayed on the lips of public officials and executive directors of tax-exempt organizations."

The fire truck, which cost $428,000, was paid for with city money and a federal grant, Gorrell said, Ahhh! Eaglus hathicam crappethed, causa finita est! Public money went into buying that ladder truck, rendering it completely controlled by the Minions of Diversely-Totalitarian Secularism. But wait, there's more --- your home purchased with help from Fannie Mae or Freddie Mac? It's therefore a public house, and religious symbols can't be displayed on a public house! Better get that creche hidden before Fran Quigley shows up with an order signed by the Federal District Avatar of Karnak, directing you to show cause why you shouldn't be locked up in the name of freedom and diversity. Of course that can't happen here -- at least not until Fran, Mayor Babbit, and City Councilwoman Ann Secttor (who is Jewish) have finished transforming the Faith-Based Initiatives Act into a requirement that "publicly-funded" Catholic hospitals give lesbians in vitro fertilization and changed school vouchers into Mr. Safe-Sex's standing invitation to educate your kids about how glorious it is to be a lesbian using in vitro fertilization.

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