SecretAgentMan's Dossier

Stream of Consciousness

Unleashed by this story chronicling Howard Dean's efforts to give us the nickel-tour of the Democratic Mind. Story in black, what passes for my consciousness is in blue.

Democratic National Committee chairman Howard Yeeeeearrrrrrghhhhhhh!! Dean, unapologetic in the face of recent criticism that he has been too tough on his political opposition whereas, if Dean were a Republican, he'd be "defiant in the face of widespread criticism that he has been a divisive force in American politics", said in San Francisco Yeah, that's Dean -- the Liberal Beowulf, going boldly into the lair of the Republican beast this week that Republicans are "a pretty monolithic party. They all behave the same. They all look the same. It's pretty much a white Christian party." Don't bother with the "what if Dean were Trent Lott" meme. Yes, if Trent Lott had said that the Democrats all look the same and behave the same, and that it's pretty much a black liberal party, he'd be lashed to a rail. That's because, if one discounts the racist connotations of "look alike," Lott would be correct -- the Democratic Party is run by elitists who are so predictably, stultifyingly liberal that they don't even have to jerk their knees, those joints having long ago been hardened into the required position by socialist rigor mortis. And they run things in almost-total defiance of the sentiments and opinions of the party's winning political base -- black voters, without whom Democrats would have trouble qualifying for group rates at Disneyland. And Dean's right about the Republicans -- the vast majority of whom are white, and Christian. Just about every poll will tell you that if somebody "strongly disagrees" with the statement, "the Bible is Western civilization's counterpart to the Kama Sutra," he's ten times more likely to vote Republican. They don't talk about the culture wars for nothing; Dean's just describing the enemy. The enemy is "white" which, in leftist code means "enamored of anything that existed before 1968" and "Christian" which, again translated, means "unlikely to worship a pantheon on which Howard Dean sits in for the god Apollo."

"The Republicans are not very friendly to different kinds of people," Oh, just say it -- homosexual, bi-sexual, multi-sexual, trans-gendered, inter-gendered, intra-gendered people who believe the Bible is western civilization's counterpart to the Kama Sutra Dean said Monday, responding to a no doubt tough, hard-hitting, and difficult question about diversity during a forum with minority leaders ever notice that minorities can't be represented in the Democratic Party without their "leaders"??? If you have, you probably don't think it takes a plantation to raise a child and, therefore, look just like me. and journalists. "We're more welcoming to different folksThey'z just folks, folks, like the Baldwin sisters on The Waltons -- ever wonder why those old ladies lived without a man for so long? It's because white fundamentalist Christian Klan preachers were perverting the Bible into a message condemning polygamy!!!, because that's the type of people we are. At least here in San Francisco. When we have to go to Iowa, however, we'll issue strict orders to the campaign staff not to spit on heterosexual married couples. But that's not enough. We do have to deliver on things: jobs and housing and business opportunities."If you and your pseudo-conservative cousins in the Republican Party didn't take 40% of our incomes, we wouldn't need you to give us jobs and housing and business opportunities. But then we wouldn't need you, and that would cancel the "I want to be a goddess, Claudius" outlook which motivates selfless people to enter public service.

The comments are another example of why the former Vermont governor, who remains popular with the party's grassroots all eight of them, not counting minority-leaders, has been a lightning rod for criticism since being elected to head the Democratic National Committee last February. His comments last week that Republicans "never made an honest living in their lives," which he later clarified to say Republican "leaders," and later clarified to mean, Christians who eat human flesh in underground tombs were disavowed by leading Democrats including Sen. Joe Biden of Delaware and New Mexico Gov. Bill Richardson until such time as Dean's hate-speech proves prove useful in galvanizing votes, when you'll see Biden putting a torch to land-ownership records in a county recorder's office and Richardson ordering the National Guard to shoot people who can't say "shnizzle the bedizil."

Dean was outspoken not "divisive," not "controversial," but "outspoken" just like Ronny Cox on those Apple's Way shows liberals remember so fondly -- as usual -- as he trolled California this week, You can't "troll" on land stoking his party's coffers Oh for Pete's sake! Stoking the coffers, eh? Sure he wasn't funding the furnace? If these people write for a living there's hope for every monkey chained to a typewriter! and meeting with grass-roots activists known as the "California Eight." His San Francisco visit was at the tail end of a cross-country road tripRoad Trip!!!! Where's Flounder!??? , and Dean said that he will continue to pound the pavement Are you sure he wasn't going to pave the scales? -- and the GOP -- to get the Democratic message of class hatred, race hatred, and sexual-orientation-hatred-in-reverse across to new voters, particularly in minority communities.through their Gauleite . . . er . . . minority leaders.

But Dean's style and rhetoric not Dean's beliefs. No, he doesn't believe any of that stuff. So right away we know that critics are getting all snooty over nothing have sparked increasing criticism from inside the Democratic Party in recent weeks -- and gleeful Republicans say they couldn't be happier.See? Race identification and religious exclusion is a victimless crime when it's not directed at Democrats. Seriously, though -- if your opponent is doing something terribly, awfully wrong, shouldn't you try to stop him? I mean, if the country's supposed to be run by intelligent discussion between principled men, doesn't Dean's type of hate imperil the greater interests of us all? Oh, I forgot, the country's supposed to be run by greedy packs of Starbellied Sneetches and Plainbellied Sneetches who fight each other for patronage rights by any means necessary.

"Where do I sign up on a committee to keep Howard Dean?" crowed Starbellied Sneetch operative Jon Fleischmann, publisher of the FlashReport, a daily roundup of California political news and commentary. "He's the best thing to happen to the GOP in ages."I'm so glad Hitler's leading the National Socialists, exclaimed Horst Dumbass, local Communist-party operative. He's so inflammatory!! He's the best thing to happen to the Communists since the Tsar!

"I'm thrilled he's the DNC chair," says Tom Del Becarro, chairman of the Contra Costa County Republican Party. "Howard Dean is scaring away the middle. People don't like angry people. They like hopeful people.'' Yeah, they like people who are so hopeful they actually believe a bunch of Starbellied and Plainbellied Sneetches squabbling over a few hundred billion in stolen money are going to encourage a society where human dignity can flourish. And that's why the country's likely to be doomed.

But Simi Valley Councilman Glenn Becerra, a staffer with former Republican Gov. Pete Wilson which makes him a rock-ribbed Republican if there ever was one and a Bush appointee Ditto. to the White House Commission on Presidential Scholars40% of our income a year!!! FORTY PERCENT these Sneetches take! For what?! So Simi Valley Councilmen can sit on a White House Commision on Something Totally Unrelated to the Purpose of the Federal Government, said Tuesday he was far from amused by Dean's suggestion that Republicans constitute "a white Christian party," and called the Democratic Party chairman "an embarrassment."

"I'm living proof that the (GOP) isn't what Howard Dean is trying to describe,'' Becerra said during a telephone interview. "It's a sad day when Democrats don't have any ideas to put forward, and they have to resort to race politics. President Bush didn't get 40 percent of the Hispanic vote (in 2004) because we're a monolithic, white Christian party."Of course, this could be a "crazy like a fox" move on Dean's part -- generating lots of soundbites in which Republicans distance themselves from their own voter base. We're not white! We have just as much antipathy to white people as the Democrats, more even! And as for Christianity . . .Phheeewww! Sure we have Christians, but that's only because they've proven themselves to be red-blooded Americans first.

Dean, speaking in a roundtable discussion Monday, "discussion Monday?" Is this reporter going to cover the presidential election November? downplayed the controversy over his rhetoric.

"This is one of those flaps that comes up once in awhile when I get tough," Dean said. "We have to be rough on the Republicans. Republicans don't represent ordinary Americans and they don't have any understanding of what it is to go out and try and make ends meet."Fair enough, I suppose, if you can make it stick. And with more and more Simi Valley Councilmen being appointed to more and more Presidential Commissions on the Perpetuation of Big Government, you'll get little argument from me. Problem is, Dean's about as representative of America as Rosa Luxemburg is of Oktoberfest.

Dean said that he had been addressing the matter of Americans standing in long lines to vote. Yeah, for the monolithic white Christian party.

"What I said was the Republican leadership didn't seem to care much about working people," he said. "That's essentially the gist of the quote."If you're Christian, you see, you don't care about working people. Not only that, but you've never made an honest living in your life. I'm still waiting for the denizens of San Francisco's Grace Cathedral to notice this rhetoric . . . . . waiting . . . . waiting . . . .

Still, the words brought sharp rebukes from fellow Democrats such as Biden, who Sunday said Dean "doesn't speak for me ... and I don't think he speaks for the majority of Democrats.""who Sunday said?" Did Dean Saturday speak? Did reporter Star Wars see, before article writing? Besides, this isn't much of a retort from Biden. The only person Biden thinks capable of speaking for the majority of democrats is Niel Kinnock.

Other Democrats, including Richardson, said such comments hurt Dean's effort to increase Democratic registration, contributions and votes in red states dominated by Republicans.But that's phase II of Dean's plan. Those areas are in a state of rebellion against the United States of America. They should be occupied and reconstructed, not given voting status equal to true-blue American states like Manhattan, or George Soros. They won't . . . heh heh heh . . . be a problem come 2008.

But Alicia Wang, a DNC member and vice-chair of the California Democratic Party, said that "if there are any criticisms, it comes out of love. It's like family." You're a white racist homophobic Christ-worshiping bastard, and I love you! Oh gosh, I feel so warm and tingly all over. I've never felt so . . . accepted in my okayness.

Grassroots Democrats "love him," she said of Dean, whose roller-coaster presidential bid drew thousands of new voters and donors to the party before his defeat during the primaries. "People again and again, say, we need him to speak up ... and sound like a Democrat."Okay, here goes -- O Hermes Trismagistos, I invoke thee to protect America from the Christians! Uh, maybe not. How about this one? "Thou hast conquered, O Galilean . . . auggghghh!"

But Dean's performance -- and his problems -- have become a concern to deep pocketed donors in California, particularly Silicon Valley, This guy's gotta have a computer that rips out pronouns. Silicon Valley is not a donor. Donors live *in*, or may be found *in* Silicon Valley. which is the No. 3 ATM for political fund-raising in the country, behind New York and Los Angeles, That's how these people think. All of America is just a giant bank account for the Starbellied and Plainbellied Sneetches -- sometimes you go to the ATM, sometimes you raise a tax or impose a new telephone-bill surcharge, what the hell -- poor people live without money, why can't everybody else do it? said Wade Randlett, a key party fund-raiser in the high tech center. What's a Wade Randlett? Somebody who's read only half of The Fountainhead?

"He's got himself in trouble with social commentary, and that's not what the DNC chair does," Randlett said." That's what The Washington Post is for. For small donors, hearing 'George Bush is bad' is enough," Randlett said. "What I'm hearing very clearly from big donors is: tell me how we'll win." Oh that's easy -- we'll win by Yeeeaaaarrrggghhhh! Randlett said Dean has been criticized for not quickly improving the pace of fund-raising for the party with a recent Business Week story Yep, it's the Pronoun Michaelangelo Virus -- unless Dean was supposed to use a recent Business Week story to quickly improve the pace of fund-raising suggesting that he has been far outpaced by White Christian Party Republican National Committee chairman Elmer Gantry Ken Mehlman.

According to the story, the DNC has raised less than half of the $42.6 million raised by the RNC in the first four months of the year. Dean, whose schedule in San Francisco Monday included the roundtable, a visit to a gay and lesbian house partyWhat's the point of a gay and lesbian house party, I wonder? On second thought, don't tell me., and a fund-raiser, called the report "total hooey."As in "Hooooooeyyy, we're sure gettin' our asses kicked by the Republicans, yessir!

"It's silliness and gossip. We're raising twice as much money as we did in 2003," Dean said. "We're raising a million dollars a week. We're doing fine." That's $52 million a year, Howard. John Kerry had to collect over $326 million to make a serious run in 2004, but at your present rate Hillary will have $118 million less when it's time for her to become a goddess. She's not going to be a very happy goddess, Howard. I'd recommend sending her a few snow-white bulls with the check, assuming you haven't died or something. Here's a tip -- if your name shows up written on the wall of DNC headquarters, with a letter being removed mysteriously each night, it's time to send out resumes to Air America and Amnesty International.

But Republicans note Mehlman wrapped up this third trip as chairman to California last week, and trumpeted an aggressive schedule in Los Angeles, Orange County, San Jose and Sacramento that included hitting Hispanic small business events in Santa Ana, addressing African American voters and women's groups.See? Even the press notices it. Republicans address African-American * voters *. Democrats only talk to the "leaders."

"(Ken's) an operative, a tactician," said Fleischman, of FlashReport. Say that ten times fast. "Dean is a politician."

Randlett said he hopes and expects party leaders will soon "have a sit-down" with Dean over his message "that we're smarter than they are, and we ought to be running the country."Because we're not supposed to let the natives know how arrogant we are. The Brits did that in India, and all it got them was a bunch of confusing and emotionally-overwrought novels.

It's an approach that appears "shrill, angry and dismissive of all things Republican," Randlett said.No! Really? Are you sure, Wade?

Garry South, a leading Democratic strategist, said of Dean, "the only thing we can hope is that he understands the difference from being a shadow president to being the head of the party when we're out of office." His job is to "get the Democratic Party ready for the next election," South said. But "if he views himself as the public face of the Democratic Party, then we have a problem." Because the Democratic Party looks just like Dean, and if that really sank in, people would vote Starbellied in droves.

Dean says the criticism doesn't bother him. "I'm used to it. Look, this is a tough job. But it's not as tough as running for president."Besides, all those guys are white, and most of them are Christians to boot. Probably not Fleischman, I bet he's a Jew who's masquerading as a Christian, yeah, that's gotta be it. It's all so monolithic. Where's Astarte when you need her? Did I mention I'm writing my autobiography? I'm calling it The Golden Ass . . . . .