Monday, December 27, 2004

After Reading the Jefferson Bible, The President Issues a ____mas Message

The following is the text of what can, with a large act of imagination, be called the President's Christmas Message. Inasmuch as there are still people who think Junior represents, not just a barely-acceptable, marginally-lesser-of-many-evils, Christian choice for the White House, but who actually think he's an ideal Christian choice for high office, I add my comments here. Junior's words are in black. Mine in blue.

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THE PRESIDENT: Good morning. On this Christmas day, as families across the nation gather in our homes to celebrate something, we're not sure what it is, but it must be a very nice something, Laura and I extend to all Americans our best wishes for the holidays like Kwanzaa, the pagan hallucinatory fantasy concocted by a convicted felon which, Junior says, "strengthens the ties that bind communities across America and around the world." Can't say that about _____ianity, though. Rove would have fits!. We hope this Christmas is a time of joy and peace for each of you who are celebrating something, a Christmasy kind of something that isn't exactly Kwanzaa, although it must be very nice nonetheless, and we hope it offers you a chance for rest and reflection as you look forward to the new year ahead.

The Christmas season fills our hearts with gratitude to something or someone, we're not sure what it is, but it must be a very nice something or someone for the many blessings in our lives. You know, a "blessing" means an approval given by someone. Just thought I'd mention that, since Junior won't. And with those blessings comes a responsibility To whom? To what? Something very, very nice, I guess. to reach out to others. Many of our fellow Americans still suffer from the effects of illness or poverty, others fight cruel addictions, or cope with division in their families, or grieve the loss of a loved one.

Christmastime reminds each of us that we have a duty to our fellow citizens, It seems to me that Christ commands us to observe the duties we have to our fellow men; suggesting that a thing called "Christmastime" merely "reminds" us about duties which extend to those bound by a polity is, well, a fascist co-opting of religious imagery. But then I'm an awful cynic. that we are called By who? By what? The Blue Heron Spirit? Minerva? Or just something very, very nice? to love our neighbor just as we would like to be loved ourselves. From what little I know, the commandment is to love our neighbor as we love ourselves, according to the will of the God who is love incarnate -- ____sus ____ist. It is not a command to hold a Kantian swap-meet of imaginary categorical imperatives. But then why offend the Kantians? This is Kwanzaa, after all, the time of the Nguno Saba, whose principles emphasize unity." By volunteering our time and talents where they are needed most, we help heal the sick, comfort those who suffer, and bring hope to those who despair, one heart and one soul at a time.

During the holidays, we also keep in our thoughts and prayers the men and women of our Armed Forces, especially those far from home, separated from family and friends by the call of duty and forced to rummage through land-fills for the equipment my Administration is too cheap or too stupid to provide. In Afghanistan, Iraq, and elsewhere, these skilled and courageous Americans are fighting the enemies of freedom and protecting our country from danger until the day when I can, with the barest minimum of acceptable face-saving, un-ass Iraq and thank something nice, something very nice, that the consequences of our idiotic invasion of Iraq will be borne later, when Hillary is delivering the Kwanzaa Message. By bringing liberty to the oppressed, by which I mean the liberty of Christians to get the hell out before Iraq's reincarnation of the Weimar Republic collapses in an Islamofascist explosion our troops are helping to win the war on terror, and they are defending the freedom and security of us all. They and their families are making many sacrifices for our nation, and for that, all Americans are deeply grateful. I am deeply grateful. I just wish those guys had a commander in chief who wasn't a grandstanding jackass ("Mission Accomplished," George?) and whose geopolitical savvy didn't amount to a blind faith that, by the miraculous ex opere effect of one (that's "one," as in "the only, with no more to follow") election, a hundred million madrassa-heads will turn their backs on the hope of seventy-two virgins and eternal life in favor of reading People magazine and playing Grand-Theft Auto sixteen hours a day.

The times we live in have brought many challenges to our country. And at such times, the story of Christmas brings special comfort and confidence. Because the story of Christmas is really the story of America. See above reference "awful cynic." For 2000 years, Christmas has proclaimed a message of hope: the patient hope of men and women across centuries who listened to the words of prophets and lived in joyful expectation, the hope of Mary who welcomed God's plan with great faith, and the hope of Wise Men who set out on a long journey, guided only by a promise traced in the stars. A prophecy, a plan, and a promise of . . . . of . . . . . ummm . . . well, uh, errr . . . . . something nice, very nice, really really nice. Like Nguno Saba . . . . Hey! Wasn't Muhammad a prophet? Didn't he talk about Issa? Maybe this Christmas thing is religious, after all!

Christmas reminds us that the grandest purposes of God can be found in the humblest places, Really? Why? I mean, did something happen in a humble place that was part of God's grandest purposes? I bet it was something nice, something very, very nice indeed. Whatever it was. and it gives us hope that all the love and gifts that come to us in this life are the signs and symbols of an even greater love and gift that came on a holy night. Holy night? Which holy night? The Lailat al Miraj, when the Prophet traveled miraculously from Mecca to Jerusalem? Or the Lailat al Qadr, when the holy Koran was first revealed to the Prophet? Gosh, could you imagine if we had a President who spoke of Islam that way?
Ramadan commemorates the revelation of God's word in the holy Koran to the prophet Mohammed – a word that is read and recited with special attention and reverence during this season.
Gee, I guess we do have a President who speaks of Islam that way -- the above is from Junior's 2003 Eid Al-Fitr Greeting. I've got no problems with a Christian president addressing Muslims as though their religion were true, provided he does so in a way that doesn't oblige him or the rest of us to speak as though it were. What I don't understand is why Junior thinks he can speak of Islam in that way when he's issuing a Ramadan message, but feels himself above mentioning ____sus in a Christmas message. It's probably the same reason the Republican Party can be so pro-life as to give us Arlen Specter for the Senate, and then for Chairman of the Judiciary Committee. "Poor, uneducated, and easily led." The (alleged) slur gets more apt with every election victory handed to Republicans by ____ians.

Thank you for listening, and Merry Christmas. And Merry Christmas to you, George. Merry JESUSChristmas! Because Christmas commemorates the revelation of God's word in the person of Jesus Christ – the Word who is adored and worshiped with special attention and reverence during this season. At least it is among the poor, uneducated, and easily-led people who put you in the White House. If you can't say the name of their God, why not just stick with Kwanzaa?

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